Gay man goes straight

From what I have heard anecdotally, straight men “exploring” with other men may be because of convenience.

And I would submit that the lower a person’s guard and inhibitions, the easier it would be for that person to engage in acts that otherwise might not be possible - and alcohol can greatly contribute to this. These are the first, tentative steps taken in absolute isolation.

I think it probably doesn’t happen that much with men because nobody wants to be the first one to try it …

As to what experimentation suggests about a person’s sexuality, I’d say not much. Unlike younger individuals exploring their sexuality, these men often have established lives, shared histories, and significant commitments.

Social stigma against “being gay” and the addition of Christian condemnation of all things sin added to my anxiety about what had happened and I always wondered “Was I gay?”, “What is wrong with me?”, etc. This exposure to diverse experiences and resilient spirits was a potent antidote to the years of internalized stigma and self-doubt.

A Compass for Gay Identity: Practical Advice and Emotional Solace

Beyond the emotional resonance, these networks serve as invaluable resources for practical guidance and emotional support.

They didn’t confuse the acts with their sexual identity. A person must feel it and identify with it from the inside. This is the story of the silent awakening, a deeply personal battle fought against both society’s expectations and one’s own internalized barriers.

The Echoes of a Different Self: Early Signs in a Heteronormative World

Before any conscious acknowledgment, there are often faint signals—feelings and experiences that don’t quite align with the expected narrative.

Man #4’s journey underscored the critical importance of two virtues: self-compassion and patience.

• Self-Compassion: Treating oneself with the same kindness, understanding, and acceptance one would offer a dear friend. That doesn’t imply that there’s any “domination” going on, it just means that these men have needs that can’t be satisfied by a woman.

  But the men I’m referring to have chosen to live an ostensibly straight lifestyle, usually because of society’s pressures to be “normal,” and have a very closeted life with other men on the side.

  Within the supportive embrace of his new tribe, Man #3 found solidarity. Their stories often begin in a world where the script for life was written long before they were born—a script of heterosexuality so pervasive it felt less like a choice and more like a law of nature. And I’m not talking about “experimentation,” as this continues throughout their lifetimes.

  Becoming a is a deeply personal revelation.

  Are the stories in "From Straight to Gay" representative of all experiences?

  The stories represent a diverse range of experiences, but they are not universal. It is the brave, lonely work of sitting with a new, world-altering reality and allowing it to be true, just for oneself, before ever daring to speak it aloud to another soul.

  But while this internal reckoning marks a monumental first step, the journey becomes infinitely more complex when a man’s hidden truth must be reconciled with the life and family he has already built.

  While the journey of confronting internalized homophobia and denial is deeply personal, for some, the awakening arrives while intertwined in the very fabric of another’s life.

  Unraveling the Thread: Coming Out in a Heterosexual Marriage

  For men who realize their gay identity after years, or even decades, spent in heterosexual marriages, the path to self-acceptance is often paved with unique and profound challenges.

  The journey toward self-acceptance is not selfish; it is a profound act of integrity that, though challenging, allows for a more fulfilling life for all involved in the long run.

These challenging experiences, while isolating, also illuminate the universal need for connection and understanding, often leading individuals to seek solace and solidarity within new communities.

While Man #2 grappled with the complexities of his past marital life and family dynamics, Man #3 found a different kind of challenge, one rooted in a profound sense of isolation and the yearning for genuine connection.

From Solitude to Solidarity: Crafting a Tribe in the Digital Age

For many men who come out later in life, the initial euphoria of self-discovery can quickly be overshadowed by a jarring sense of being adrift.

Man #5, Alex, experienced just such a journey, discovering a profound liberation in understanding his sexual identity as fluid, stretching beyond the boundaries of fixed labels. This doesn’t equate to being gay or bi. These are not typically overt, dramatic moments of attraction but subtle, easily dismissed inconsistencies.

• Intense Male Friendships: A profound emotional connection with a best friend that felt deeper or more significant than early romantic relationships with girls.
• Aesthetic Appreciation: A strong appreciation for the male form that was rationalized as purely artistic or academic, never sexual.
• Emotional Disconnect: A persistent feeling of "going through the motions" in heterosexual relationships, as if performing a role rather than living an authentic experience.

These feelings were often dismissed because societal heteronormativity provides a powerful default setting.

A lavender marriage feels like a marriage of convenience versus a marriage of just true pure love like ours."

He previously told BI that he finds Greenstone "very beautiful" and that their physical intimacy is "so much deeper and richer and more fulfilling" because his attraction to her isn't just "surface level."

Hoff identifies as gay and says his attraction to Greenstone is a 'one-off'

The marriage hasn't changed anything for Hoff and Greenstone other than solidifying their "spiritual" connection with a contract.

Hoff said it's made other people take them more seriously.

They often don’t tell the whole story and can keep us in a mental box that’s at odds with our evolving eroticism.

For him it was a friendly arrangement, finding it much easier and nicer to hook up with his gay friend than to pick up a strange woman at a bar.