Gay masculinity

For gay men, navigating this pressure can be especially challenging, as they live within and outside of these gender expectations.

While the LGBTQ+ community has made significant progress in embracing individuality, internalized biases persist. When read the definition of mascing behavior and asked if they believed the term described what they saw in gay online spaces, all of the participants agreed that mascing behavior was real and very prevalent on the platforms they used.

And so, when you’re online, that’s the really the only safe way we can find guys.

Many other men echoed Alex’s sentiment, expressing that because sexual orientation was openly established in online spaces like Tinder and Grindr, they did not have to worry about questioning whether or not another man was straight. 

            Participants overwhelmingly expressed that online spaces had a special and heightened role within the gay community, and that dating apps and social media fill a crucial need that their straight counterparts do not have to the same extent.

But I do believe in a biological basis for what we call masculinity. While there is not an abundance of research on patterns of discrimination on gay dating apps, research that does exist relies primarily on quantitative studies of users’ behaviors based on content analyses of their photos, “bios,” and messaging patterns.^[37],[38] These studies have found certain norms and patterns that permeate the dating app world: the high value placed on traditional hegemonic masculinity, the stigmatization of femininity, and the desire for traditionally “straight-acting” gay men.^[39],[40]

            Similar to Erving Goffman’s suggestion that people put on a particular kind of performance to avoid reproach, Rodriguez et al.

According to recent research in this area, gay men supposedly have a lower “taste for competition” than straight men do. Younger generations are increasingly rejecting strict binaries in favor of fluidity in self-expression. One respondent Albert explained:

Oh, one hundred percent, that’s totally a thing [. Here’s the surprising truth I’ve discovered: Gay men are often more masculine than they recognize, and not only the ones with big muscles.

David explains how even as a white gay man he feels less pressure to “masc” himself online, saying that he would feel comfortable going out in drag while men of color might be stigmatized or fetishized for similar behavior.

However, the industrialization of the 19th and 20th centuries cemented a more hyper-masculine ideal, one that positioned strength, dominance, and stoicism as central characteristics of masculinity.

This industrialized form of masculinity has resulted in widespread bullying, ridicule, and rejection for many gay men who do not conform to these expectations.

Furthermore, violence, racism, and crimes committed within digital spaces need to be investigated and prosecuted with the same fervor and seriousness as those crimes that are committed in physical spaces. It’s just so hard to do.” While some men were more actively focused on trying to convey an authentic presentation, others, like Alex, put less thought into how they present themselves online, saying, “I feel like it’s definitely hard to be authentic and to authentically present yourself on any sort of social media platform.

.]. In large part, this is due to:

Testosterone. Most of the guys who post photos at their college sports games or with their cars don’t actually give a shit about sports or cars.

Some participants called this “masc4masc culture” and discussed how what is seen as “masculine” is very tightly interwoven with what is seen as “straight.”^[47] Participants agreed that men who used terms to indicate that they were experimenting with men but not “fully gay,” such as “straight but experimenting” or “dl” would earn them more attention on gay dating apps and hookup apps.^[48] One participant, Andre, explained why he thought these men got more attention online: 

If you look at profiles with the same stats—let’s just say they’re a tall white masculine man—if one profile says “questioning” or “haven’t really done this,” that profile gets more attention because there’s a whole fantasy around maybe turning someone gay.

By distancing oneself from the gay community, Andre argues, men on apps like Grindr and Tinder get more attention because they play into a fantasy about “turning” straight guys, a fantasy that has been heavily perpetuated and propagated by pornography. 

            Some participants disclosed how they themselves bought into mascing culture and explained how they would alter their bios, manipulate the way they texted, and change their tone while interacting online.

Goffman argues that people’s everyday interactions can be understood as performers acting on a stage and that we are constantly using costumes (the way we dress) and props (symbolic objects we carry) to create specific impressions in the minds of others—a process he calls “impression management.” Goffman’s dramaturgical analysis and his idea of the stage can be used to productively analyze and understand queer online spaces, especially dating apps.

Much of the homophobia, racism, and classism that affects gay men in the physical world is crystallized and exaggerated online.^[9]

Recently, a budding body of literature has examined how these online spaces are ripe with discrimination against men who do not conform to narrow conceptions of hegemonic masculinity.^{[10],[11],[12],[13]} This gendered discrimination is perpetrated largely by muscular, cisgender men who advertise themselves as hypermasculine and only seek other hegemonically masculine partners.

But evolutionary psychologists tell us that man’s nature evolved during the long millennia when we hunted in packs, and the ability to subsume individual identity within a group goal promoted survival. I have to be a little bit more aware of like, “Oh, I don’t want to just be this random like object or fetishized version of myself.”

While men of color have to walk a fine line when presenting themselves online in order to gain attention without being fetishized, white men have a range of masculine expressions that are seen as attractive and receive attention on apps like Tinder and Grindr.

DISCUSSION

The gay men I interviewed overwhelmingly recognized mascing behavior in the online spaces they frequented.

They free themselves from self-doubt and escape from shame by humiliating someone else.

A healthier way to deal with such shame is to take a closer look at positive (not toxic) masculine traits and to recognize the ways we actually do embody them.